Why is it that we as the G.L.B.T. community in general focous on looks v.s. personality when considering a relationship????

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Permalink Reply by Bas on December 31, 2008 at 1:00pm

I am not so sure if this is the case across the GLBT community in general. With gay men, yes. With lesbian women, not so sure. I think it's more of a male thing than a gay thing. Men are known to be more visually orientated, plus they tend to find sex important. Hence the focus on looks. But I also think it depends on what age group you look at and where you look. When younger, sex tends to be more at the forefront, whereas when people get older, they focus more on partnership and looks become more important. The 'clubbing' part of our community also tends to be more conspicuous then gay people that might be more homely. Which also distorts this view a bit.

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Permalink Reply by SceneVet on January 9, 2009 at 6:33am

its caused by OUR lives of insecurities when it comes to outter appearances. internal conflict concerning personal identity crisis causes confusing and powerful emotions to block psychological confidence. outwardly everyone has the same opportunity to shine, physically. including the "butta face" ones out there with flawless bodies to boot. endless hours in the gym certainly amplifies those chizzled features but also allows them the external security that they have to fall back on when the personality is put to the test.
maturity has a lot to aid in the attractiveness from one to the other. as physical appearances begin their downward spiral, the level of importance put on appearance fades and then everything becomes more stable psychologically. priorities change when it comes to relationships and partnerships when physical appearances and sexuality have less of an impact on the true nature of human relationships.

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Permalink Reply by Jonathan Bristow on April 13, 2009 at 3:03pm

I can definately concur with this. I did add my own response to the original question but you have certainly described the psychological aspect of the human idium. But i also think the way we looked at men when we were younger does not change much as we age because we do not see ourselves whilst we are observing others.
However as we age we learn to seek out people on the same wavelengths, common interests and common goals as ourselves. Because friendship will always win out over sexual desires or lust. After all sex is only a small part of a good relationship, whatever gender you are. Sex is a way of expressing your love for another and must always be mutual.

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Permalink Reply by fisher4man on January 3, 2009 at 1:25pm

In a nut shell MEN ARE PIGS!!!

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Permalink Reply by Jaddiction on January 12, 2009 at 10:48am

Something I Feel Like Mentioning: That usually falls into the group of very shallow gays depending. Most of which believe they are too good for anyone, they subconciously believe this whenever they cannot get anyone and/or they subconciously believe they are just "FABULOUS" and lock themselves into a self-loving situation. I have friends that are totally like this, and alot of times when people talk to them or hang out with them, they just give short word answers and usually lock themselves away.

Now to understand why people consider looks over personalities when basing their decisions on possible relationships, you must first know why they are like that. They may be what I have just said, or they may have other subconcious tendencies that they have yet to break away from, such as "One Night Dating" (which is usually what happens in those cases) or "Short Term" which basically means they don't plan on being with that person for long. On the whole though, one thing those people do have to understand is that the very attractive ones are usually just like them, so alas there is very little hope for a prolonged relationship. Though, everyone has their ideas about people and the decisions they make during pre-relationship, so it's all up to them. Hopefully that brought an answer of some kind to your question. xP

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Permalink Reply by Centaur on March 9, 2009 at 3:22pm

I don't think it's any different in the straight world when it comes to your initial interest in someone. Generally speaking it's how the other person makes you feel in their presence aka looks. After that it should be about a hell of a lot more, but that depends on what the other person is looking for and that's part of what a person needs to find out to determine to see if you are on the same page. Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince and that's on either side of the pond, gay or straight.

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Permalink Reply by matt on March 20, 2009 at 9:02pm

i haven't got a clue but with me its more the personality then looks lol

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Permalink Reply by Jonathan Bristow on April 12, 2009 at 10:33pm

The problem is many fold. The main one i think is the basic distinct to choose a mate who is young and fit (in order they bear healthy offspring). Whilst it means nothing in gay relationships we still posess that basic instinct and will generally always observe this rule.
Another reason is if we see someone who is attractive or neat it may trigger (within us) the sense of security and that this person is "safe".
I don't mind saying I was astonished when i saw "zachary elliott"'s pic earlier. I was immediately drawn to focus on him because visually he is stunning. In case Zachary reads this i apologise for singling you out dude and no offence intended.
There is also the matter that when you look in the list of people, the main thing that draws you to investigate them further is the image because it is the only identifiable source, unless you are one of the few that bases their interest in surnames and forenames.
The same is the case when you frequent a public place. You tend only to judge immediately by what you see(unless you see someone you already know :P). There is also the body language which can have a major role in the decision making process but essentially (for me anyhow) i will automatically look to the face and pursue on that basis.
Perhaps that is my flaw and i am wrong in doing this?

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Permalink Reply by Matt Sturgis on May 21, 2009 at 2:02am

I'm a very visual person when it comes to most things, but when it comes to a relationship I've had to "train" myself into not just looking for a pleasing face, but to actually talk to the person and find out who they are.

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Permalink Reply by Moe on June 1, 2009 at 11:48pm

it is the lloks at start, then it is the passion and love. It is all about presentation. First u look, u like, u taste, then u decide. this is the way humans are. Specially men. We r driven by visual. look at a goodlooking guy and then measure ur errection. But once starts to talk, it may be a whole deferent ball play.

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Permalink Reply by Rain on June 3, 2009 at 4:30pm

I agree with a lot of what has been said here. For most of our lives we have learned to use what seems to us to be the easiest method for identifying things. For most of us this is with our vision. Factor into this equation the types of conceptualized stereotypes we've been fed (e.g. what is attractive vs. what isn't) coupled with the sense of urgency stemming from our modern overly-stimulated culture and you have yourself this very dilemma. Over the period of a lifetime one either grows out of it or they don't. It is most certainly not limited to a particular sexual persuasion/orientation. However, it absolutely is purely a cultural phenomena.

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Permalink Reply by Chris Brackley on June 5, 2009 at 3:05am

Yeah i so know what you mean i must be the exception sto the rule as i go 4 personality babe x

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